remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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