so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
