just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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