guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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