I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Panties = found
Randomize
