just tell him i said nine months
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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