Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
