He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
