In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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