It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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