I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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