I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i out mim tonsoeep
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
