I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
