You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I pour the whiskey from now on
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
