we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
