That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
