So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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