Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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