tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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