I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
