so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
