I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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