he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
