i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
