Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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