Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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