Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.