wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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