so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
