Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
