I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
