Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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