I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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