pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
is that a dick in a sweater?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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