I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
