all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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