; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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