There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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