i permit you to call me
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
