Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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