Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
