bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
