I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
