Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
