Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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