Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
