I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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