You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
