Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
