I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
