You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
