well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
