I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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