you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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