I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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