I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
