Can i not drive my cunt home
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
