Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
