i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
