I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
