she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
