hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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