So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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