I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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