Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
