once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
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I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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