he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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