i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
