FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize